I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
