yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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