By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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