Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
