Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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