I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
