Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
