i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
