I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
