Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
