oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
