she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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