I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Barsexuality is the new black.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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