FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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