Buhtt sex?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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