GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
