Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
