dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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