It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
