Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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