Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
