I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
