How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
