yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
