So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
