Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
