Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So here I am, sexting at work.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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