actually, I'm a sock model
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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