umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize