it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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