He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
