she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
