i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
