Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
