Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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