i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
