I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I believe in your delicious
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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