she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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