I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize