This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
