i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
