i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
