Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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