So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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