I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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