I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
