Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize