I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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