Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
