It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
