My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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