did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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