Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I believe in your delicious
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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