yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
