I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
