Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
