for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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