it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
