i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
