I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
