I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
