Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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