Pappa wants mamma naked
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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