i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
