btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My ass is underappreciated
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