So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't deserve a penis
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
