Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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