Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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