what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
