So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Text me some of your sweat
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
