he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
