you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize